Extreme Boredom

People have been wondering where I’ve been. I’ve been getting emails, tweets and messages on Facebook asking me what I’ve thought about the post-Wrestlemania / Brock Lesnar era taking place on WWE television these days.

I haven’t been answering. I haven’t been saying much. I haven’t been too interested in what’s going on. Frankly, I’ve been finding it hard to watch anything WWE lately. I haven’t been caring.

I’m well aware that Brock Lesnar has come back, and yes I’ve tuned in enough to see him F5ing Cena, cutting his pretaped promo and doing that awful contract signing segment. I saw Edge return to tell Cena that he needs to be the Cena he used to be (which I’m fairly certain is the same Cena we’re still watching.) Ultimately, I haven’t been pulled in.

There is some argument that could be made saying I’ve fallen victim to the infamous Wrestlemania hangover. I can’t argue against that, but to say I think that is only a small fraction of why I am not enthralled by current WWE programming.

I consider it more logical to chalc it up to several factors. After watching WWE for years, and seeing the past few where it has been, debatably, bouncing from good to dreadful, it can be difficult to replenish that interest which caused me to tune in in the first place.

Sure, I like Brock Lesnar and I popped just as loud as most people did when he arrived and wiped the floor with John Cena. Internally, I can’t help but wonder if this is half because of my interest in Lesnar and half because of my hatred for Cena. I watched Jericho smash a bottle of Punk’s head with as much interest as the next guy, and laughed just as hard when Jericho slipped in the fake liquor. Still, something is missing here for me as well.

So, what’s the problem? I’ll tell you. First and foremost, I just sat through an entire year of John Cena being the main event focus while not in the title chase and I’m simply not interested in watching it happen again. I don’t care how many times he makes his boo-boo face and puts a ridiculous looking chain around his neck. I’m tired of Cena and I thought, I hoped, I wished, I pleaded, that after Wrestlemania we’d get to see just a little less of this guy. Well, we’re seeing more. I can’t take it. I can’t take this guy.

I love the Rock, but wasn’t too into the angle because it involved Cena. I think Brock is awesome, but I’d rather watch him feud with Santino than John Cena. Cena has the magical ability to disrupt any sense of realism (I know, it’s fake, but you want suspended disbelief) that could exist without his BS. I can’t torture myself to watch this guy.

The Jericho / Punk thing was certainly interesting. I thought it was a little unnecessary to involve family members, but I did think it was funny because Jericho is a promo master and he sold it like gold. I thought Jericho breaking the bottle over Punk’s head was great. Then they had to do that angle with Punk coming out of the Pub which I found to be stupid. I thought they couldn’t get much stupider until I saw the retarded sobriety test angle. I changed channels back to the NHL Playoffs faster than it became clear Punk was only pretending.

These are two talented wrestlers, great promo men and interesting personalities who are trying to sell a match by acting like total goofball morons. It’s a sad state of affairs when the best way to sell what could be a fantastic match is to have them acting like children. Jericho comes off like he’s too stupid to see what’s happening, which is fine if you do it after the buildup, and Punk looks like a fool for playing along with it. Remember when he was all about pipebombs?

The rest of it, I’ll just run through quickly. If a Bella is Diva’s champion than Kharma better be coming back.. oh it didn’t matter, WWE could care less about the title so why should I? Orton vs Kane.. again.. really.. don’t do this to me. The Miz is challenging for the US title against the great champion of…. Santino. Right. Usually Santino is telling jokes, but here the joke is on us. I could go on, but why bother?

So, I’m trying WWE. I am. I’m trying to watch and I’m trying to care and I’m trying to fight through this, but they’re certainly not making it easy on me. Maybe I’m alone, and maybe you guys are loving this right now. I’m glad for you if you are, but I’m certainly struggling to keep my television tuned in. Maybe it will get better.

Buried Alive

WWE is creeping steadily toward overwhelming mediocrity.  Some would argue that they actually arrived there months, or even years ago.  If you’re a frequent viewer it is hard to argue against the fact that the quality of their shows has been in a state of decline for some time now.  Ratings have been plummeting faster than Mick Foley off the top of the cell.  However, in this instance, if WWE is planning on landing on a table it probably isn’t gimmicked enough to break the fall.  Just ask Jerry Lawler about that.  A large chunk of WWE’s viewing audience has been gradually turning away from product over the past few years and, unfortunately, WWE’s approach to correcting this issue seems to be to continue doing the same old things with some hotshots here and there.

Some have made the argument that WWE’s aim toward a PG environment has led to nothing but trouble for the company.  In light of Linda McMahon’s aim for senate and several contracts with youth oriented merchandise, much to the chagrin of older viewers, it doesn’t seem likely that the WWE will change course on that anytime soon.  The idea with PG was presented as an idea to “hook them while they’re young” and follow them as they age.  To grab the kids and get them to stick with the product as they get older.  The problem is, however, that viewers in the upper teens are losing interest.

It seems irrational to believe that a product aimed at thirteen-year-olds could keep the interest of nineteen-year-olds.  Often times the concept of what is “cool” or interesting to a thirteen-year-old is based more around what the older kids are into.  By aiming low you’re cutting off the top, whereas, if you aimed to entertain the older kids you’d probably hold onto some of the younger kids.  This isn’t to say that WWE needs to make a return to sleazy, sex driven angles with blood spilling all over the place.  Lord knows that hasn’t work very well for TNA in recent years.  Perhaps, though, it isn’t the fault of the age range at all.  Maybe it is WWE’s dedication to maintaining the status quo.

John Cena has been a figure of controversy over the years.  He has become the target for most older viewers that wish to hurl their disapproval at the company.  At the end of the day it seems clear that one fact is becoming evident:  people are getting tired of John Cena being on top of the world.  Much like in the late 80s with Hulk Hogan, fans today have grown weary of what they’ve come to call “SuperCena.”  Anyone who has watched for a while is aware that when John Cena isn’t completely burying some rising talent (Wade Barrett a few weeks ago, for example) than he is making corny jokes about poop or simply pointing out the fact that he still wears jorts.

Let’s face it, Cena has definitely begun coming down from the pinnacle of his time in WWE.  A lot of people are calling for a Cena heel turn and there is a slim possibility that we’re in the early stages of it.  Many analysts and wrestling critics see what they believe to be hints towards it.  John Cena being spotted with Stephanie at SummerSlam, his distance from the current angle involving the conspiracy, the fact that it seems almost set in stone that Survivor Series will see Cena, Rock and a few others teaming up against a new heel faction which will more than likely include the Miz, R-Truth, Kevin Nash and possibly some others.  There has been speculation that we’re about to see a rebirth for the nWo and if WWE is really stuck in the past it would make sense for the biggest face in the company to turn on the WWE and join forces with them.  Of course, this could all just be baseless speculation that never leads anywhere.  It wouldn’t be the first time a John Cena heel turn was believed to be in the works.

The problem is:  what would this really fix?  If John Cena turns heel and the nWo makes a return that is actually good, would that fix the horrid booking, terrible burials and overwhelming failure to push new stars?  Sure we’ve gotten a few people up there, or at least sitting on the backburner, like Sheamus.  However, how many times are we going to see John Morrison get squashed like he did this past Monday, how long will we see the same old names sitting on top?  Randy Orton, John Cena, Triple H.  How often over the past few years have these three been involved in some way, shape or form with the main events of the PPVs?  A lot more than anyone else.

WWE makes the argument that young stars need to “get themselves” over before WWE sees them as marketable, but this could easily be a fallacy, a catch 22, so to speak.  Taking John Cena, for example, is he so over because he gets himself over or does he remain over because he has the entire WWE marketing crew keeping him afloat?  Even with all of his support, backlash is coming swiftly.  If you’ve ever watched anyone in the wrestling business discuss the fall of WCW, one of the major factors they’ve always spoken of is the company’s failure to make new stars.  WWE has time to turn this around but they really have sat on their laurels these past few years.  It appears they believed the John Cena wave would carry them longer than it appears that it will.

There are so many factors which feed into the ratings, the interest level and the success of WWE.  If nothing else, it appears obvious that some changes are plausible and others are necessary.  The shear fact of the matter is they cannot and will not fix their current situation by staying the course and continuing to deliver us the same, freeze dried, reheated, recycled storylines.  Also, just because they throw us a five star match once in a while doesn’t make their creative direction any different than it currently is.  Who thought this whole CM Punk thing would turn to garbage so quickly?  They say the definition of insanity is performing the same actions but expecting different outcomes.  Well, Mr. McMahon, you might have to actually make some changes if you want to see things change.  This isn’t a complicated concept.  Maybe, though, some people just have difficulty letting go.

The SuperColumn

Remember when you could walk into a McDonalds and order a large fry and they’d ask if you wanted it Supersized?  Take your favorite meal, make it even bigger and enjoy it even more.  Sure you may end up vomiting it up later but hey, if you love fries as much as I do then you sure do miss the Supersize option.  When it comes to television you have a show, it could be great, terrible or run of the mill.  However, if you have a Supershow then it has to be better right?  Making Monday Night Raw into a Supershow seemed like a great idea.  Take all of your favorites, from both brands, smash them together and we could get things we’d never seen before!  New rivalries, new confrontations, new matches.

Taking Raw and making it Super could really have been something you didn’t want to miss. Unfortunately, as per usual, WWE has managed to take something which seems like a tremendous idea and transform it into something mediocre.  There doesn’t seem to be any company in the world that succeeds as frequently as WWE does at taking something that could be awesome and making it typical.  I think they’ve managed to prove that over the past few years.  If you’d have told me five years ago that Bret Hart and the Rock would return I’d have been elated.  I’d be thinking WWE had turned the right corner, that these two storylines could really blow the roof off.  The last thing I’d have thought was that Bret Harts return would have went over like an anvil and that the Rock would come back to work a mediocre program with John Cena.

Who knew that CM Punk would walk out on Raw and say so many things that fans had been thinking for so long only for it to be forgotten the next week?  Someone still has to explain to me why a massive storyline was built around this guy leaving the company with the title only to see him leave for a week.  People had been clamoring for the return of Triple H and yet it doesn’t seem like his return has made a lick of difference in the horrendous nature of the program other than the fact that we get to see him come out and talk for a few segments on every show.  Kevin Nash, who once galvanized the wrestling world with the nWo comes out to the ring looking about as interested in being there as I do waiting in line at the DMV.  Textgate, which was this intriguing storyline with multiple suspects, turns out to be “Nash texted Nash” which makes sense to someone, somewhere, I’m sure.  But, keep in mind, there are people out there who think Jersey Shore is a good show so that doesn’t add a lot of credence to this blunder.

The Supershow has delivered to us several “exciting” things.  Live, on Monday Night, we’ve gotten to see Randy Orton in a squash match against Heath Slater, Teddy Long making eight man tag matches because apparently, aside from Triple H and the seemingly forgotten Anonymous General Manager, he also has the power to make matches.  Who could forget the amazingly intriguing, hand-shakingly excited clash between WWE Tag Team Champions, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne (I will not call them “Air Boom.”  It sounds like an action performed in the bathroom of an airplane) take on the formidable team of… Jinder Mahal and the Great Khali.  Well this is living up to be everything we’d thought it could be, right?  Oh boy.

So aside from a few random Smackdown stars thrown into Raw what have we gotten?  The same show, the same poor writing, the same half-assed booking.  What exactly did they think this was going to do?  You can change your show into a Supershow, or change the name of your company completely (*cough*TNA*cough*) but if you’re not going to actually change what you’re doing it is going to be completely meaningless.  The idea of ending the brand split could have been something major but if they ever do decide to completely end it on all shows I think they’ve taken some dangerous steps towards damaging that concept by making Raw a “Supershow.”  I suppose I should start rebranding my old columns as “Supercolumns” and that will magically make them better than they were to start out with, right?

What could make a Supershow super?  How about new matches, exciting storylines, fresh rivalries?  Maybe we could see Randy Orton wrestle someone who he hasn’t wrestled before in a match that takes longer than two minutes and actually makes a difference as applies to the Raw superstars?  Maybe, just maybe, we could get a wrestling show that actually makes us want to keep watching?  The NFL season is opening and WWE didn’t even try to do a single thing to make any NFL fans feel like they might be missing something if they tuned out next week.  I don’t watch football but even I am not sure what I’m supposed to be tuning in to see.  Hell, they didn’t even announce the main event on Monday until five minutes before it was happening.  Some Supershow, huh?

You can slap the word “Super” in front of anything you want but that doesn’t actually mean anything.  To make Raw “super” you’re going to have to make it more than it already is, and that shouldn’t be complicated because it currently isn’t much of anything.  Right now I’d be happy just for Raw to be good.  Maybe that is the platform they should have aimed for first.  Monday Night Raw:  Good Show.  I’ll take a good show over a supershow any day, at least, if this is what a supershow has in store for us.  A Good show.. what a novel idea.

The Only One

The brand split has caused discussion for years amongst WWE fans.  Some would argue the merits of having two separate talent rosters and the benefit it serves in providing a platform where not only the same names have to remain at the top.  Others have said that the fans would lose out on some potential feuds which could not take place with the roster split in half and certain competitors never running into one another.  There has been a certain sentiment toward the idea of a single company having two world champions simultaneously.  With the brand split an argument could be made that you want a world champion on each show, despite the fact that the titles of WWE have less value now than they ever have before.

This past Monday, WWE COO Triple H came out and made what was to be a blockbuster announcement:  from now on RAW would have the rosters of both brands.  This did not turn out to be as big of a deal as you’d imagine it could have been.  Fans seemed to let out a collective sigh at this idea and even those who had argued against the brand split in the past felt underwhelmed by the announcement.  It didn’t feel like a big deal, it didn’t feel like something that could shake up WWE and bring more fascinating storylines to the fans.  It seemed like a desperation move to try and save the dwindling ratings on RAW.  The problem, however, is that the ratings aren’t falling because of a brand split and they’re not falling because Triple H wasn’t on the show.  They are falling because WWE is perpetuating a cycle where mediocre, uninspired, dime a dozen storylines that give us absolutely nothing new and anytime they show us even the slightest glimmer of something better on the horizon they take it away almost as quickly as they teased us with it.

The CM Punk storyline heading into money in the bank is a perfect example.  Punk came out and delivered a worked shoot promo which set the world on fire.  It didn’t matter that this was all a work, it mattered that finally someone was publicly saying what so many fans had been screaming about for years.  Punk truly did become the “Voice of the Voiceless” in that segment.  We had this tremendous build up telling us that if Punk won the title at Money in the Bank he’d be leaving the company with it.  No one expected him to win and when he did, this news once again set the wrestling world on fire.  WWE was giving us something we hadn’t seen before and they were playing it out with intelligence and intrigue.  Then, a week later, Punk came walking out on RAW with a newly signed contract and the WWE title while Cena also had a WWE title.  Then we got SummerSlam and Kevin Nash and we’re in a place that seems boring, uninspired and uninteresting.

The Kevin Nash angle was interesting at first.  Who sent the text and for what reason?  We’ve got a decent list of suspects but does anyone really care anymore?  Triple H is going to face Punk in a match at Night of Champions.  Was there any fanfare, any kind of a big deal moment when this was announced (in the last minute of the show, behind the scenes.)  Triple H is making his return to the ring for the first time since Wrestlemania and it feels like it doesn’t matter, like it’s just another match and there is no big deal.  Shouldn’t WWE have presented this to us like it matters?  This entire thing has been handled poorly.  A few flashes of genius ultimately buried beneath an avalanche of stupid mistakes, poor choices and overall poor booking.  The ratings are in a freefall and Football hasn’t even kicked in yet.  WWE is in for a shock this Fall.  Whereas they used to be able to maintain a 3.5 I’d be shocked to see them grabbing anything higher than a 2.5 this year.

WWE doesn’t seem to be able to wrap their heads around the fact that doing this week to week, on the fly booking is hurting them more than anything else.  Nothing feels like it is well thought out and everything feels like it could change at any moment.  Remember the Anonymous General Manager?  If you do then obviously you don’t work for WWE since they’re essentially pretending he doesn’t exist right now.  Remember seeing Stephanie McMahon at SummerSlam and RAW the next night but not again?  What was the point of that?  Was she simply a red herring?  I don’t know and right now it doesn’t seem like WWE creative knows either.  When was the last time WWE created a storyline, drew it out and executed it in a way that left you feeling satisfied?  I can’t remember one.  There is a complete lack of consistency and WWE is becoming like the absentee father who always promises things and never delivers.  Eventually you stop believing and you find somewhere else to focus your energies.

I love wrestling and I have loved it since I was a child.  I was drawn in and kept interested in the early 90s.  I lived through the terrible few years after Hogan left and WWE had to build new stars to interest us.  I saw the rise of Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels and had my dedication rewarded with the sparking of the attitude era.  I have been watching wrestling for longer than most John Cena fans have been alive and yet right now, despite my love for this, I am finding it increasingly difficult to watch anymore.  WWE is like a spinning compass and they can’t find their footing.  They don’t seem to have any real, long term concept of where they want to go and so they fall back on who they always do:  John Cena.  Cena has worn out his welcome for me, and whether I like him or I don’t doesn’t matter.  What matters is that I’m tired of him.  I’m tired of knowing no matter who the WWE champion is they’re going to feud with Cena.  I think Cena is an amazing example of the current state of WWE.  Same thing, different day, same outcome.  I want something new, I want to feel like this all matters and I want to feel like I used to when I loved tuning into WWE television every week.  And I know I’m not the only one.

Monday Night Raw – August 1

Tonight RAW is LIVE from Indianapolis

The show opens with a recap of the events surrounding CM Punk’s title victory at Money in the Bank, the firing of Vince McMahon and last weeks title match that saw John Cena become the new champion followed by the return of CM Punk.  Pyro goes off in the arena and Michael Cole tells us this is a night of “remarkable importance.”  He says that for the first time in WWE history they have two legitimate WWE champions.

Cult of Personality hits and CM Punk makes his entrance with the title around his waist.  The crowd explodes when he takes the belt off and holds it above his head.  Punk gets in the ring and grabs the mic with a big smile on his face, the crowd is completely behind him tonight.  Punk screams “The champ is here!”  He sits down in the ring while a loud chant of “CM Punk!” breaks out.  He says he is going to tell us why he came back.  He says he loves the place he works he just hates the people in charge.  He says he got the opportunity to speak his mind and he caused a little bit of change.  Vince got relieved of his duties the very next night.  He can feel the change in the air and he wants to take a little bit of credit but a lot of it belongs to the audience.  For far too long the fans have been fed scraps, they haven’t been given what they deserve and he’s here to do that.  He’s here to make this fun again for everybody.  As proud as he was about backing up everything he said he realized the voice of the voiceless needs to be heard, his voice needs to be heard by the fans.

He says he can’t do that with a megaphone, he can’t do it at Jimmy Kimmel.  He can’t change the WWE, or this industry, what it should be if he is sitting on his couch in Chicago.  He says he picked up the phone and made the call to come back and by the looks of it he timed it perfectly.  The WWE has already reverted back to John Cena being WWE champion.  He says Cena is as much WWE champion as the guy in the front row with a fake championship belt.  “Same old, same old” he says.  He tells Cena no matter what the outcome of the bogus tournament, or who thinks they deserve rematched, the one fact is that he is the one holding the title.  He says he is the best professional wrestler this world has to offer, he is the one and only WWE champion.  Triple H’s music hits.

Punk says “HHH” he’s the “CEO.”  Triple H says he wants to explain why he re-signed CM Punk.  It was good for business, the same reason why he brought back Jim Ross, the same reason he brought back John Morrison.  He says it is his job to try and give the fans exactly what they want, even if it goes against his personal feelings, the WWE Universe wanted CM Punk and so he gave them CM Punk.  Punk asks him what he meant by “going against” his personal feelings.  Triple H says he thinks that Punk is a smug, overrated, attention seeking guy that puts too much stock in his own hype.  Punk says he is glad they can be honest.  He says “Smug, overrated?  Kind of like looking a mirror Hunter.”  Punk says he wishes Triple H had just said he hated his guts.  He says Vince’s era screwed the pooch on the entire roster.  He says he let major guys go like Batista, Mick Foley, Chris Jericho, Brock Lesnar.  He says not only did they not want to see him go anywhere, WWE couldn’t afford for him to go anywhere else.  Triple H says he is a commodity, but why doesn’t he tell the truth about why he really re-signed?  He says that CM Punk re-signed for himself, because he wanted to hear his own voice.  Punk says the truth is, he’s the WWE champion.  Triple H says both Punk and Cena are the WWE champions.  He says that is a situation he will fix later tonight.  He goes to leave but Punk tells him not to leave yet.  He says he doesn’t want Hunter to think that just because he signed a contract doesn’t mean he’s going to shut up or spit out a PG doctrine.  He is here to stay and to do things his way.

Punk says “let’s talk about egos.”  He says Triple H hogged the spotlight so many times over people who deserved it.  The fact that even when he was carrying HBK’s bags he liked to push people around.  He asks how many times did he say “I just don’t think he has what it takes” while lying in bed with his wife?  He says whether he’s in his gear or a suit Triple H is  a bully who likes to throw his weight around and to be careful who he pushes because Punk likes to push back.  Triple H says this comes down to ego and he’ll admit he has a massive ego and right now that ego is telling him to slap every tattoo off Punk’s “skinny, fat” ass.  He says he won’t do that, and he took this job for the fans and that comes with certain responsibilities and certain rules.  He may not like them but he respects them and for the fans he is not going to break those rules.  He says he strongly suggests Punk doesn’t break them either.  Punk asks “or what?”  He asks if Hunter will hit him or if he has to go ask his wife permission first.  Punk drops the microphone and stares at Triple H before walking back up the ramp.

We see Rey Mysterio backstage getting ready.  Morrison comes running over and jumps over him.  They high five.  The Diva’s battle royal is up next.

[Commercial break 1]

@IAmWWEman:  Punk is RAW
@Smarkingout: JR’s voice in a video package? PERFECTION!
@TheUnratedEXP:  Here comes our hero CM Punk!
@MikeAwesome82:  I hate how the mark fans are suddenly such huge CM Punk fans. He deserves the cheers, but it still pisses me off to no end.
@CaptainKaizo: CM Punk is the fucking man
@WrestleSarcasm:  If he even attempts the Pedigree I will be pissed.

We return from commercial and Kelly Kelly has joined the commentary table.

Match 1:  Diva’s Battle Royal for #1 Contender spot: [7 minutes and 15 seconds]
The match begins with every Diva battling each other.  Melina eliminated almost immediately, followed by Gail Kim and Rosa Mendes.  Divas are falling out of the ring all over the place.  One minute in and we’re down to seven.  Alicia eliminates AJ while the Bella twins work on Natalya, eliminating her.

[Commercial break 2]

Returning from commercial it is the Bella Twins, Beth Phoenix, Alicia Fox and Eve.  The Bellas are still working on Beth.  Eve is battling Alicia Fox, who eliminates herself trying to hit Eve.  Eve starts fighting both of the Bellas.  She’s hanging off the top rope in the corner and finally gets eliminated.  Beth storms over, picks both twins up onto her shoulders and dumps them both out at 7:15.

Kelly comes in the ring to congratulate Beth who then throws her out of the ring.  Beth slams her into the barricade and grabs a microphone.  She says Kelly’s days as the perky, cute, blond bimbo are officially over.  She then drops the microphone.

We see the Miz backstage taping up his wrists.  R-Truth comes walking in and asks what’s up.  Miz asks who he is talking to, he asks why he is talking to himself.  Truth says he and the Miz are basically the same.  Truth says Triple H being in control is a conspiracy.  He asks why they had to compete in a tournament if Triple H was going to bring back CM Punk anyway?  He tells the Miz to be careful or he’s gon’ get got.

[Commercial break 3] 

@BritBoJangles: Why is Melina getting buried? That shit irritated the flying fuck out of me!
@AbsolutBex: BS Divas Battle royal, faves are already out 
@WrestlingVoice: Now Natalya? Does WWE know which women can actually wrestle? If Beth Phoenix doesn’t win it’s a travesty.
@WrestleSarcasm: SAVE.US_Beth Phoenix
@FlawlessEvE1: The Bellas should have went first not Melina and Gail. WTF are they thinking??
@Uhhhhlisa: Dont pull heir hair out Beth! Extensions are expensive!!

We return from commercial and Josh Matthews is backstage interviewing John Cena.  He says Punk lives by the sword and will die by the sword.

R-Truth makes his way out to the ring followed by the Miz.  They show a clip of the Miz being on George Lopez last week.

[Commercial break 4]

Match 2:  The Miz & R-Truth vs Rey Mysterio & John Morrison: [11 minutes and 2 seconds]
The match begins with Miz and Morrison in the ring.  Morrison gets the best of Miz early on but is preoccupied with trying to get his hands on Truth which lets Miz level him with a clothesline.  Miz begins stomping Morrison and lands a nice snap suplex for a two count.  Morrison pushes Miz into the corner, trips him and then tags in Mysterio who lands a seated senton for a two count.  Both Miz and Truth get bumped outside of the ring, Mysterio lands a seated senton on Truth and Morrison hits a corkscrew dive to the outside on Miz.

[Commercial break 5]

Back from commercial and  Truth has Mysterio in the camel clutch.  Rey fights his way out of it but Truth regains control and drops a few elbows, then applies the abdominal stretch.  Rey fights his way out but Miz comes in and starts beating him down landing a massive kick to the face.  Miz puts a headlock on Mysterio but Rey fights out and lands an enziguri to the back of Miz’s head.  Both men are down but Miz catches Rey and lands a DDT for a two count before making the tag to Truth.  Rey fights back but gets caught with a flying, corkscrew elbow from Truth.  Truth tags Miz back in and Miz begins stomping Rey again.  Rey tries to race to the corner but the Miz catches him and drags him back to the center of the ring.  Miz goes for a high risk maneuver but Rey counters with a kick to the face.  Morrison is stomping on the ring apron, both men make the tag.  Morrison begins running Truth down and then the Miz.  Morrison drags Truth to the corner and sets up for the starship pain but Miz pulls Truth out of the ring.  Rey flies over the top rope and takes Miz out.  Truth gets back in the ring, misses an ax kick but Morrison kicks him into the ropes.  Mysterio goes for a 619 but Miz pulls him out of the ring and throws him over the barricade into the crowd.  Morrison knees Miz and lands a kick, knocking him out of the ring.  Truth lands his finisher and gets the win at 11:02.

After the match the Miz gets in the ring and lands the skull crushing finale on Morrison.  Truth comes in with a bottle of water while Miz holds John up.  Truth hits Morrison in the head with the bottle.   Michael Cole says Mysterio and Morrison “just got got.”

@typicalROHfan: JOHN CENA WEARS CLOTHES?
@iHartWrestling: The awesome one on raw!!! …no not me *smirk …the Miz!!
@nuer0tica: I really could have done without Rey on my TV.
@BreakingKayfabe: Still waiting for an amazing Miz/Morrison feud utilizing their amazing backstory. Mania 28? Please?
@OrdinaryLullaby: When is there a Match where Rey is not taking most of the offence?
@MelinaFan20:  That was a pretty good match
@FearlessRiOT: WWE is not giving John Morrison a good comeback here. He’s only been back a week and he’s lot twice

Backstage we see Josh Matthews with Triple H, he asks about the altercation between him and Punk earlier.  Triple H says he’s been in the business for twenty years, this isn’t his first barbeque.  Talking about his wife has been done before and it doesn’t bother him one bit.  Triple H says if Cena wants to know what he has to say he can come out when he announces his decision tonight.  He recommends that Cena should keep it strictly business.

[Commercial break 6]

Back from commercial and Dolph Ziggler comes walking out with Vickie Guerrero.  Vickie says Dolph is far more superior than CM Punk or John Cena.  Ziggler says no one will ever have his skills, techniques, talents or his charisma.  Says he is more of a man than anyone in the arena or back in the lockeroom.  Alex Riley’s music hits.  Riley asks if Ziggler is such a man, why does he always hide behind a woman?  Vickie grabs the microphone and says thanks to her Dolph is a former world heavyweight champion, intercontinental champion and is the current United States champion.  Riley steps into the ring and says “excuse me.”  Riley asks Dolph when the last time was that he accomplished anything on his own, he tells Dolph that he is hiding behind Vickie.  He says with her, Dolph would be exposed for being a bleached blond, arrogant fraud.  Ziggler tells Riley he doesn’t belong out there with him and then takes his jacket and belt off.  He gets ready but rolls out of the ring.  Riley challenges him, but Ziggler backs away.

@TheUnratedEXP: A feud between Alex Riley and Dolph Ziggler for the United States Championship can be something good to watch.
@VixenTye: Riley sucks over all.. bad mic skillys, looks like a reject Lex Luger with a bad crew cut with hermit crab eyes..can’t wrestle eck
@ShotgunRadio1: Riley is good on the mic, miz taught him well

Next up will be David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty vs Zack Ryder and Santino.

[Commercial break 7]

Match 3:  David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty vs Zack Ryder & Santino: [2 minutes and 24 seconds]
The match starts with McGillicutty destroying Santino.  He tags in Otunga and they double team him in the corner.  A big “we want Ryder” chant breaks out while Otunga is working Santino on the mat.  Santino begins fighting back and lands a stone cold stunner on Otunga before tagging in Ryder.  Ryder mows McGillicutty down and then kicks Otunga out of the ring.  He lands a boot in the corner and gets a two count which is interupted by Otunga.  Santino interferes but Otunga throws him out of the ring.  McGillicutty takes advantage of Ryder, tags in Otunga who lands a big elbow for the pin at 2:24.

@BreakingKayfabe: Horrible new theme song for a horrible tag team.
@StarryEyes89: OH RADIOOOOOOOOOOO
@DavidHerro: Wow… I forgot the WWE had tag team champions…
@ShotgunRadio1: Ryder should walk out with his new Internet Wrestling Title that he debuted this week. Woo Woo Woo

[Commercial break 8]

Back from commercial and they air a little recap of the opening segment of the show between CM Punk and Triple H.  We then see Punk backstage with Josh Matthews.  Punk says he’s waiting around to see what Triple H’s decision is going to be, that earlier in the ring he was just testing him to see if their relationship would be purely business.  Punk says he beat Cena at Money in the Bank and so he is the champion.

[Commercial break 9]

Match 4:  Alberto Del Rio vs Evan Bourne: [3 minutes and 40 seconds]
The match begins with Evan getting in offense but Del Rio quickly turns it around and takes control.  Del Rio starts working on the left arm, wrenching it on the middle rope.   Del Rio takes Bourne down to the mat and works the arm some more.  Bourne begins fighting out but Del Rio catches him with a tiltawhirl back breaker.  Del Rio slams Bourne down with his arm behind his back and then puts an arm bar on.  Bourne throws a few kicks but Del Rio takes him down again.  He goes for a suplex but Bourne lands a few knees, followed by a few kicks and then a high knee takes Del Rio down.  Bourne climbs to the top rope but Del Rio lands a massive top rope enziguri.  Del Rio locks in the cross arm breaker for the win at 3:40.

After the match Del Rio puts the hold back on, Kofi Kingston comes running out to save Bourne.  Del Rio jumps out of the ring, he and Kofi exchange words.

We see Triple H walking backstage, he will address the WWE Universe next.

[Commercial break 10]

@LoneEnigma77:  Raw is CM PUNK & ALBERTO DEL RIO!!!
@Rated_M_Andraya: I have no idea how I would act if I eve me Del Rio, probably the same way I would when I met Wade Barrett…hide in a corner..
@OrdinaryLullaby: Does the briefcase come with a feud o keep you relevant?
@Cherrrybomb: Evan Bourne!!!!!! Wooohooo!!!!
@AbsolutBex: ADR has a very mice manicure don’t know why I noticed that but there ya go. 

We return from commercial and they show us a poll where apparently 54% of voters think Cena should be champion.
Triple H makes his entrance and climbs in the ring, grabbing the mic.  He says for the first time there are two WWE champions.  Suddenly John Laurenitis’ voice interrupts Triple H.  He says he is the executive vice president of talent relations, a job he took over from Jim Ross.  He says it is his job to sign talent and manage their contracts.  Triple H says if he needs to sign a new talent he’ll give him a call, and he asks what he wants.  He tells Triple H he should strip the WWE title from John Cena, at which point Cena’s music hits.

Cena runs to the ring and grabs a microphone.  He says the crowd is interesting tonight as they boo the living hell out of him.  He says this decision is big.  He says Johnny Ace has never thought before and he is the yes man that CM Punk was talking about.  Cena says at Money in the Bank he knocked Johnny’s teeth out.  He says if the championship is legitimate he would be fine losing it in a match but he will not have it stripped because a goon in a suit doesn’t like him.  Cena does an impression of Laurenitis.  Johnny says Cena is out of line, he says he didn’t make his decision based on Cena’s unprofessional behavior, he made it because CM Punk beat him.  Cena says he is going to punch him in the face again, Triple H says he doesn’t have a problem with that.  Laurenitis hops out of the ring.  Cena asks Triple H if he is going to listen to Ace.  Triple H says he isn’t going to strip Cena of anything, his claim to the title is legitimate.  He says he didn’t hear from Punk until the match between Cena and Mysterio took place, so his title is legitimate.  CM Punk’s music hits.

Punk asks if Triple isn’t going to strip Cena of his “paper championship” if he’s going to strip him when he beat Cena at Money in the Bank?  Triple H says both of them need to stop whining like little girls.  He tells Cena it’s not “Hunter.”  He says “I’m your boss.”  He says no one is going to get stripped of anything.  Summerslam, John Cena vs CM Punk for one undisputed WWE champion.  Triple H’s music hits and he makes his way back to the lockeroom.  Punk and Cena stand in the ring staring at each other.  Punk drops his microphone and holds his title up, the crowd cheers for him and his music hits.  Cena holds his title up and the crowd cheers, his music hits.  Both men get up on the top rope and repeat the same action.  Punk laughs and tells Cena he can see him.  The show goes off the air with Cult of Personality playing.

@CamelClutchBlog: Wow the WWE Universe is officially full of idiots for that poll whether that was worked or not.
@WrestlingVoice:  I want Punk but he relinquished the title when he left the company. So technically it is Cena but we’ll get a unification match
@ThingsColeSays: Johnny Ace sounds like he smokes about three fucking packs a day.
@Rated_M_Andraya: YES please take it from Cena!! PLEASE!
@PinfallMagazine: Johnny Ace should be replaced by Super Dave.
@WEFWrestling: Here comes CM Punk now thing are about to pick up
@Melinafan20:  I hope their match at SummerSlam will be as good as their last match or better.
@Ringsiderants: This could have done without the dueling theme songs

Special thanks to @AprilAnn_ for being awesome! 

Monday Night Raw – July 11

Tonight RAW is LIVE from Boston.

Raw opens with CM Punk walking out live in front of the crowd with a megaphone.  Punk gets in the ring and sits down to address the crowd.  He asks if he has everyone’s attention.  He decides to recap what happened with his suspension.  He says he got in trouble for some things he said, not because he said his contract is ending, or because he said he is going to defeat John Cena at Money in the Bank, or because  when Vince dies the company will goes to his idiotic daughter or son-in-law whom he referred to as a doofus.  He says he got in trouble, basically, because he has the balls to say things that nobody else has the balls to say.  Things like this company is filled with a parade of shameless ass kissers.  He says not only is he reinstated, not only is his match with Cena back on, but he brought backup just in case they cut his microphone off (he says this into the megaphone.)  The crowd begins cheering “CM Punk, CM Punk.”

Punk says the reason he has a microphone now is because Vince desperately wants to sign him to a very long, very lucrative contract now.  He says it’s funny because all he’s ever really wanted is the microphone, using his voice is power.  In his hands it is a pipe bomb.  McMahon finally sees that he is the hottest property in the industry today.  He says he made WWE socially relevant, not these fans, but the real world where the WWE gets mentions because he is speaking his mind or because somebody died.  He says ESPN wants him, Jimmy Kimmel wants him and he is a youtube sensation.  He says it is funny that he has one foot out the door and suddenly Vince wants to give him everything he wants.  He says if Vince had been treating him nice for the past five years he wouldn’t have so much to say now.  He says Vince wants him to sit down and have a man on man contract, but he says tonight he wants to have the first ever live contract negotiation in the ring.  Maybe he’ll sign, maybe he won’t.  Maybe Vince McMahon will have to join the CM Punk “kiss my ass” club.  John Cena’s music hits.

CM Punk says “hey everybody, it’s John Cena.”  He thanks Cena for getting him reinstated to a job he doesn’t want anyway, he thanks him for giving him everything that he wanted.  He will beat Cena at Money in the Bank and change the title because it has been too ugly for too long.  He says he will beat Cena and he will leave.  He says Vince will never really fire him, like how he got fired a while back and it only lasted for a week.  Punk asks if Cena would like to say something, he offers the megaphone.  Cena says they’ve been waiting for five years to say Punk actually has balls.  Cena says all he hears is how Punk is walking out of Money in the Bank with the title, but Cena says he isn’t a pushover.  Cena says Punk is not the best wrestler in this company, Punk says he is the best in the world.  Cena says Punk said he smiles and prances for the company, but he does it because he loves it and he has the title because he is the best and he deserves it.  Cena says Punk is not the best wrestler, Triple H, Edge, Batista, Kurt Angle, Shawn Michaels, even the late Eddie Guerrero thought they were the best and everyone thought Cena couldn’t hang with them but they were all wrong.  Cena says he doesn’t care if Punk stays or goes but he is coming to Money in the Bank to whip Punk’s ass.  The anonymous GM chimes in now.

The anonymous GM says Vince is on his way to negotiate with CM Punk but since this could be Cena’s last night on Raw we should see a match, he tells Cena he is competing in a very special match next.  Punk backs up the entrance ramp and says “Good luck.”

CM Punk is money right now, the crowd is hot for him and frankly listening to his recent promos have been the best thing about Raw.  The crowd seems mixed on Cena but the one thing for sure is we are all tired of this anonymous GM garbage. 

[Commercial break 1]

@bitterforsweet: Punk with a megaphone. This is gonna be gooooood. 
@smarkingout: “Do not turn my microphone off, thank you.” I FUCKING LOVE YOU! 
@thatdariachick: Punk doing his Jimmy Hart impersonation? 
@SullivanBooks: The real story coming out of this promo is the crowd reaction. WOW, they are so pro CM Punk. Loudest they’ve been since Stone Cold’s heyday.
@FatFinley: This CM Punk promo is so great, work or not its gold 
@Lagana: 5 years ago in Boston – the “suits” decided that Hardcore Holly was too tough to tap out to CM Punk in Boston

We return from commercial and the ring announcer says the next match is a handicapped match.

Match 1:  Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga vs John Cena (handicap match): [9 minutes and 56 seconds]
Otunga starts off in the ring against Cena.  Cena takes the upperhand locking Otunga in a headlock but Otunga makes it to the ropes and then tags in McGillicutty on the break.  Michael gets Cena in a hammerlock but Cena reverses that into a headlock.  Both opponent step outside the ring for the time being.

[Commercial break 2]

We return from commercial to find McGillicutty has Cena in a headlock.  They show us that during the commercial Otunga threw Cena into the barricade.  Michael gets Cena in the corner and stomps him, then Otunga takes a shot while the referee is distracted.  Otunga gets tagged in, hits Cena a few times but Cena hits him with a snap suplex.  Both men are down, Otunga tags in McGillicutty who then gets two flying shoulders and a five knuckle shuffle.  However, Otunga hits Cena with an inverted atomic drop and McGillicutty dropkicks him.  Two count but a kickout from Cena.  McGillicutty puts Cena on the top rope and goes for a superplex but Cena fights it off with a few headbutts.  Cena goes for and lands a leg drop and then locks in the STF but Otunga breaks it up.  Both men now double team Cena in the corner.  Cena gets out of it and lands the AA on McGillicutty and throws Otunga over the top rope and grabs the pin in 9:56.

@AprilAnn_: HOW IS THIS MATCH SPECIAL?
@thatdariachick: Gee, and here I am thinking when you’re Tag Team Champion, you actually defend them against other teams.
@BritBoJangles: I’ve seen Cena do like 3 moves I’m sure he won’t remember how to do next week!
@InfamousMarv: If David Otunga pins Cena, I will buy tickets for anyone who is going to MITB
@carriesparkle: “CENA SOMEHOW SURVIVES!” Yes, who knew?

[Commercial break 3]

We return from commercial with a bird’s eyeview of Boston.  Cole and Lawler begin talking about Mark Henry and Big Show, they air a promo video showing Mark Henry and all of the carnage he has been causing lately.  Afterward we see Dolph Ziggler talking to Vickie Guerrero backstage.  They’re discussing what Dolph will say to Mr McMahon when he arrives later.  Vickie does a comic impersonation of Vince.  Drew McIntyre comes over and does an impersonation also.  Dolph says if Vince doesn’t recognize what he has in him then he should be the chairman of AARP.  All three of them begin making fun of Vince he who then walks on screen.  Vince refers to McIntyre and Ziggler as two of his fastest rising starts, he says they deserve a spotlight.  So they will team up tonight in a handicap match tonight against the Big Show.  A backstage interviewer comes over and asks Vince what will happen tonight between he and Punk and that the entire world wants to know.  Vince says the entire world can go to hell.

Twitter went down at this point so tweets will be lacking until it comes back online.

We see Kelly Kelly walking backstage with her Diva’s title, she will be in action next. 

[Commercial break 4]

We return from commercial to see a recap of Kelly winning the diva’s title from Brie Bella last month.  Melina is in the ring, the Bella twins are on commentary.

Match 2:  Kelly Kelly vs Melina (Divas title): [1 minute and 40 seconds]
The match begins with Melina taking total control.  She wraps Kelly’s arms around her throat and presses her knee into her back.  Kelly fights back, whips Melina into the corner and then gives her the stinkface followed by a neck breaker.  Melina kicks out at two.  Melina kicks Kelly, then misses another kick and gets hit with a fameasser and Kelly wins in 1:40.

After the match the Bellas come in and tell Kelly Kelly she needs to eat some more and that one meal a month isn’t healthy.  Kelly attacks them but the Bellas kick her ass.  Eve comes running out and fights the Bellas as well.  The Bellas leave Eve and Kelly Kelly laid out in the ring.

@ringsiderants: Melina is still employed?
@Mrs619:  If Melina loses, all is over for her. 
@GlamHartDelRio: You don’t know how much ot irks me to have HER walk around with that title… Ughh 

We see the Miz walking backstage.

[Commercial break 5]

We return from commercial and see a recap of Riley pinning the Miz on last weeks broadcast of Raw.  Miz comes out, climbs in the ring and sits on top of a ladder.  He says there is no better view than looking down on the crowd.  He says he is used to being on top, to being the best, to being the Miz.  He says he knows the smell and the taste, he has been there before like his opponents never have.  Some have been close, but close doesn’t make them winners or champions.  He says he knows what it takes to be a champion.  He says everyone will learn why he is the Miz and he is AWEE – Jack Swaggers music interupts him.  Swagger says Riley must have hit Miz in the head too many times, he reminds the Miz that he has one Money in the Bank, cashed in and become a world champion.  Miz asks if you cash in and win and no one remembers, does it really matter?  Evan Bourne comes out now and says he is tired of hearing about what they’ve done, he is going to climb the ladder to win money in the bank.  Kofi’s music hits now.  Kofi says they are going to put their bodies and careers on the line, anything can happen, anybody can win and if he wins it isn’t going to be because of what he does or what he says tonight, it is going to be because of what he does Sunday.  He says Edge had to retire because of injury from matches like this.

R-Truth comes walking out and says the conspiracy against him continues.  Everyone talking about Punk and Cena, they must have forgotten that two weeks ago he beat John Cena.  He threw the WWE champ through a table.  He says he has “acrophobia” and he is afraid of heights, and there better not be any spiders on the ladder because he is afraid of them too.  He says the briefcase better not have a spider in it.  The briefcase is gonna get got.  At this point, Alex Riley’s music hits and he comes running out.  Miz hops out of the ring and runs off.  Now Alberto Del Rio’s music comes on.  Del Rio drives out and says he shouldn’t have to be in this match, he should just be the number one contender.  He asks why, but then he says he will tell us why.  He says John Cena is afraid of Alberto Del Rio.  He says he is going to teach each of them a lesson about destiny in six days.  Now the anonymous GM chimes in.  The GM says Del Rio has a point and since six of the competitors are in the ring, they should have a match.  Miz, Swagger and R-Truth will team up against Evan Bourne, Alex Riley and Kofi Kingston.. right now!

[Commercial break 6]

@Vixentye: Riley = a modern day Lex Luger…. yuck 
@kenady16: did not crash twitter calm your vagina cole 
@WrestleSarcasm: Punk and Miz are the best talkers in the past 5 years in my opinion and are in my best talkers of all time list. 
@nuer0tica: Oh god no. Noooooooo no. Don’t give Bourne a mic. I cannot take him seriously when he talks. 
@dasharpshooters: R-Truth’s mess ups are always the best 
@thatdariachick: FINALLY! THE ONE WHO REALLY MATTERS! ALBERTO!!!!

Match 3:  Miz / Swagger / Truth vs Bourne / Riley / Kofi: [10 minutes and 39 seconds]
The match apparently began during the commercial break.  Swagger tags in the Miz who begins stomping Bourne who was already down on the mat.  Miz pounds Bourne and runs him down with a kick to the face for a two count.  Miz tags in R-Truth who comes in and slams Bourne down and then lands a legdrop and then puts him in a headlock.  He slams Bourne again and gets a two count.  Bourne lands a leaping knee to Truth’s face and makes the tag to Kofi who jumps into the ring and begins running down R-Truth with several flying manuevers.  He then lands the boom drop on him.  Kofi sets up for the trouble in paradise but Swagger interferes allowing Truth to hit Kofi from behind.  Kofi goes to the top rope and lands a cross body for the cover but Miz breaks the count.  R-Truth clotheslines Kofi, who goes through the middle rope instead of over the top rope.

[Commercial break 7]

We return from commercial to see Miz covering Kofi for a two count.  Miz tags in Kofi and they double suplex Kofi, Truth covers for a two count and then puts Kofi in a headscissor.  Truth punches Kofi, controlling the match.  Boring chants are now beginning in the crowd.  Kofi lands a double DDT on Swagger and Truth, all three men are down in the ring.  Kofi makes the tag to Riley who spears Swagger and then lands a few elbows on him followed by a spine buster.  Riley hiptosses the Miz into the ring but then Truth hits Riley.  Evan Bourne kicks Truth out of the ring, Swagger goes for the Swaggerbomb but Riley kicks him in the face and covers for the pin at 10:39.

After the match the Miz lands the skull crushing finale on the Riley, Kofi throws him out of the ring, R-Truth knocks him out, Bourne goes for air bourne but Del Rio shows up and pushes Bourne off the top rope and slides a ladder into the ring.  He hits everybody with it and then throws it at the Miz who falls to the floor holding his elbow.

@WrestlingCritic: this should be good. six man tag.
@DAsharpshooters: MITB matches have not been the same since Shelton Benjamin left. Not looking forward to the match at the PPV
@WrestlingFemme: R-Truth has the same hairstyle as Roger on the early seasons of Sister, Sister. Didn’t they call him SpiderHead or something? 
@CarrieSparkle: Hey, watch a programme with Big Show! Dudes, I don’t even want to watch a WWE programme with Big Show. 
@HacksawJDuggan: Look what they did to IRS’s briefcase!
@IAmWWEman: Good tease and build up for the MiTB match! Great RAW so far!

They air a recap of Punk talking two weeks ago and Vince suspending him last week, plus the Cena confrontation from last week.
Dolph Ziggler’s music hits and he comes out with Vickie and Drew.

[Commercial break 8]

Match 4:  Drew McIntyre / Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie vs Mark Henry (Handicap match): [1 minute 54 seconds]
Dolph is in the ring but immediately tags in McIntyre who Big Show throws into the ring, he chops Ziggler off the apron.  Show then begins working over McIntyre who seems to be here just to get beaten up.  Big Show mows him down with a clothesline and then slams him down.  Ziggler stays outside the ring hiding.  Big Show throws Drew over the top rope.  He throws Drew into the barricade, Drew begins leaving but Big Show runs him down and begins stomping him near the entrance ramp but gets counted out at 1:54

After the match Big Show throws Drew into the WWE emblem up on the stage and then stares out into the crowd.  Big Show grabs Drew and goes for the chokeslam off the stage but Mark Henry runs out and sends all three men tumbling off the stage.  Both men are laying where they landed and several referees show up to see if they’re ok.

[Commercial break 9]

@ImAMelFo: Y’all ain’t gonna believe this but Drew McIntyre is on #RAW !! Lol. The world must be ending tomorrow.
@BryanIsWWE: The Big Show wins, no doubt
@BreakingKayfabe: Drew on the mic? I’ll take it. I forgot how great he is when he has something to do besides meander around with the Feminist Icon 
@Neur0tica: I know they’re both heels and all, but Dolph vs. Drew would have been fucking amazing. Why does Show have to ruin things all the time? 
@WWEGames: Mark Henry just took out…EVERYONE!!!

We return from commercial to see Mark Henry walking away from the place he fell from.  Lawler and Cole tell us how Money in the Bank works.  They air some highlights from passed Money in the Bank matches.

We see Vince McMahon and CM Punk walking backstage.  Their contract negotiation is next.

[Commercial break 10]

We return from commercial with Vince McMahon making his entrance.  He doesn’t seem to like the crowd reaction so he walks backstage and comes back out until they cheer louder for him.  Now he does his typical stride wiggling his arms and legs.  He has a folder in his hand.  He points to a Zack Ryder sign and shakes hands with a little girl.  He shakes hands with a guy at ringside and claps him on the shoulder and then enters the ring.  He grabs a mic and says “I’m Vince McMahon, damn it, let’s hear it!”  He says he will not be joining the CM Punk “kiss my ass” club.  Vince says contracts should not be negotiated in public, but that’s what Punk wants and so he’ll get it.  He then invites Punk to come out.  He wonders out loud what CM stands for.

Punk’s music hits and he comes walking out with his own folder, imitating Vince’s walk.  He gets in the ring and refuses to shake Vince’s hand.  Vince sits down at the table, Punk picks up his microphone.  Vince says Punk’s lawyers have been over the paperwork enough times and he is sure everything is in order.  Punk says he expected McMahon to be wearing a Cena t-shirt tonight but clearly he has no faith in him.  McMahon says he wants him to sign this contract because he couldn’t live with himself if in fact he somehow won the title on the last day of his contract.  Vince calls him Phil.  He asks if that is ok.  Punk says “by all means.”  Punk says his lawyers looked over the contract and it wasn’t up to par and he had them draw up a new one, all it needs is Vince’s signature.  He says he added some new perks.  Punk asks if the crowd wants it to go down in public and they all cheer.

Punk asks if he wants to hear some of the new perks, Vince says “don’t push me.”  Punk says provision one is that he gets to push him, he then shoves Vince twice.  Vince looks angry.  Punk says, for a superstar such as himself, he wants his own jet.  He doesn’t want Vince’s jet because it smells, he wants his own.  Number two, his face will be on the titantron, the turnbuckles, cups, shoes, socks, everything.  He wants Vince to bring back the WWE ice cream bars.  He says he just made him a million dollars in ice cream sales.  He wants WWE Studios to begin producing CM Punk the movie, you can call it the Chaperone 2 except it will be funny and successful.  Also, John Cena vs the Rock at Wrestlemania can still happen but he wants his own match to be the main event.  Punk says the last thing is that Vince must apologize to him for suspending him last week, for being one of the biggest hypocrits he’s ever seen in his entire life.  As far as the anti-bullying campaign, Vince is one of the biggest bullies he’s ever met and he will apologize.  Vince shakes his head “no.”  Punk says he has had very talented friends who have been fired from this company, Vince says they deserved it.  Punk says Vince doesn’t know what makes a superstar in 2011, he doesn’t know what people want.  He says Vince wants to punish people for liking wrestling, for firing guys like Colt Cabana and Luke Gallows.  He says he is CM Punk and he is the voice of the voiceless.

Vince asks him to calm down, and just to sign the contract, he asks that they both be gentlemen.  Punk asks if they should be gentlemen or if Vince should apologize.  The crowd cheers.  Punk tells Vince to sign the contract and apologize to spare his company any further embarassment.  Vince says he wants to just get it over with.  Punk flips the table over and Vince stands up.  The crowd cheers “We want wrestling” and Vince says he doesn’t give a damn.  Punk says that’s the problem, Vince doesn’t give a damn and he cares too damn much.  Punk says Boston wants to hear an apology.  Vince says “Sorry.”  Punk doesn’t look impressed and says “What?”  Vince McMahon screams “I apologize you son of a bitch!”  Punk cheers and says that is better than winning the world title three times.  Punk tells him to pick up the contract and sign it before the stock plummets some more.  Vince opens the folder, grabs the pen (meanwhile a “Colt Cabana” chant breaks out.)  Before Vince can sign, however, John Cena’s music hits.

Cena tells Punk the fans love him, and they’ll love him in Chicago, the night he walks out.  Cena says if Vince wants to sign it he won’t tell him what to do.  Cena makes fun of both of them, and says he hates McMahon too but he shows up for work everyday because if they disagree the people still paid a lot of money to be there and they are the ones that take it on the chin.  He tells Punk he is the biggest hypocrit of them all.  Cena says the Rock said he’d never leave again, he then calls Vince “dragon breath”, but he knows Punk isn’t the Rock but he is making a ridiculous list of demands because all he wants to do is take the title and walk out.  He says he is CM Punk and he admires that he walks to the beat of his own drum but he has lost sight of everything.

Punk says he hasn’t lost sight, he says he is going to take that and walk out, because he doesn’t fit that mold.  He said earlier Cena said Guerrero and the greats said Cena couldn’t hang, now Cena is doing the same thing to him.  He says here we are in Boston and next week they’ll be in Chicago, he says Cena is the one who has lost sight.  He tells Cena thinks he’s the underdog just like all the local sports teams, he says John’s father and wife are there, and Punk says Cena is the 10 time WWE champion, the champ is here, you like the redsocks, like Boston, are no longer the underdog, he is what he hates, he has become the New York Yankees.  Cena hits Punk, Punk rolls out of the ring and grabs the contract.  He walks off and says Cena is Steinbrenner, he might as well be Jeter.  He screams that he is the underdog.  Vince looks pissed.

Punk grabs a microphone and sits down on the ramp and says everybody wants to hear what he wants to say.  He says he’s glad he just punches him because it hit him like a bolt of lightning why he doesn’t want to be here anymore.  He says he’s tired of Cena, he’s just tired.  He says Vince, John, say goodbye to the WWE, say goodbye to John Cena and say goodbye to CM Punk.  He stands up and rips his contract in half.  He says he’ll go be the best in the world somewhere else.  He then makes the “you can’t see me” gesture.  The show goes off the air there.

@nodqdotcom: Here we go! McMahon/Punk in the ring in moments. Will NoDQ crash again?
@carriesparkle: I hope Punk talks about Back to the Future again. Even if nobody else noticed but me earlier 
@TheRealXPac: Im looking forward to this. Vince is over. 
@ZackRyder: Vince McMahon knows I exist 
@Smarkingout: Oh Punk, you make my pants tight. 
@PhoenixLives_: CM Punk vs Vince EPIC!!!!!  
@RaveHound: I ❤ CM Punk so damn much right now it’s not even funny 
@neur0tica:  “WE WANT WRESTLING” CHANT. I approve. 
@Smarkingout: Are you fucking kidding me? No! Get the fuck out of the ring you mother fucker! 
@RingsideRants: John Cena just ruined this entire fucking thing 
@WrestlingFemme: Does that mean no WWE Ice Cream Bars?! 

Monday Night Raw – June 27

Tonight Raw is LIVE from Las Vegas, NV
Featuring the return of Raw Roulette and special guest Shawn Michaels.
Your announce team is Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole.

The show opens showing Booker T spinning the Raw Roulette wheel.

Back to the arena, Shawn Michaels music hits and he comes dancing out.  Shawn makes his way to the ring, grabs the mic and tells the crowd he just couldn’t stay away.  He says it is tough to just stop after twenty years of doing something.  He says he’s not the Raw guest host, but he is bothered how guest hosts are always here to plug something.  Then he plus his new show.

Suddenly CM Punk’s music hits and he comes walking out with McGillicutty and Otunga of the new Nexus who make their way to the ring.  The crowd begins booing and Punk smiles, grabbing a mic himself.  Punk tells Shawn his personality is too addictive to stay away.  Punk says July 17th will be his last day and he’s happy to be leaving.  Shawn says it sounds win win since no one will have to hear from him anymore.  Punk tells Shawn that win is what Shawn didn’t do, he lost to the Undertaker and went out a loser.  Punk says he is going to leave at the WWE Champion.  Punk says it is sad that the crowd would rather cheer for the past instead of begging for the future to stay.  Shawn says they cheer him because they know he’s better than Punk.  Punk says “you were better than me.”  No one can hold a candle to him, like no one could hold a candle to Shawn back then.  He asks if that’s a challenge.  Punk says they’re a lot alike.  Shawn says they’re not alike.  Shawn says “we don’t smoke, we don’t drink, we don’t do drugs” to which Punk responds “anymore.”  HBK lands sweet chin music on Otunga.

The anonymous GM chimes in now.  He says that since Punk only has three Raws left so they’re going to make them count.  Punk is going to have the first match tonight on Raw roulette.  They cut to Booker T who spins the wheel.  It lands on a question mark.  Booker tells Punk that means he has a mystery opponent, and that opponent is Kane.  Punk looks surprised.  Kane makes his way out to the ring.

@BritBoJangles: Ugg….I just want you to go away Shawn! PLEASE!
@PinfallMagazine: Man that guy had some f’n epics! 
@LucasSinclairD: I want to see some Sweet Chin Music 
@Barr66: Woo CM Punk! This is about to get awesome

[Commercial break 1]

Match 1:  CM Punk vs Kane: [4 minutes and 17 seconds]
Kane starts on the offensive, throwing CM Punk over the top rope, following him outside and dropping him on the barricade.  Throwing him back in the ring he begins stomping him in the corner, then snapmare and dropkick to the face.  Kane dominating picks punk up and lands a side slam for a two count.  Finally Punk snaps Kane’s head on the top rope, then gets caught for a chokeslam but kicks his way out of it.  Punk is now stomping on Kane, getting him the corner and delivering several kicks.  Finally Kane lands a big boot, taking Punk down.  Making his way to the top rope, Punk catches him with a punch, delivers a few elbows and goes for a superplex but Kane holds on.  He punches Punk off but Punk rolls out of the ring and decided to walk to the lockeroom.  The referee begins counting him out, leaving Kane to win in 4:17.

@Vixentye:  hear those CM Punk chants… yeah baby!
@dasharpshooters: Those anti Kane chants were really loud
@BritBoJangles: Why does Kane only rock the one contact every so often? 
@thatdariachick: That was pitful. 

They show us that later tonight Big Show will face Alberto Del Rio, and John Cena will go against R-Truth.  The roulette wheel will choose all matches.

[Commercial break 2]

The show returns, promoting WWE’s website poker playing game.  Sin Cara’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring.  Evan Bourne is out next.  The Roulette wheel selects: No Countout.

Match 2:  Evan Bourne vs Sin Cara (No countouts): [4 minutes and 52 seconds]
Both men exchange arm drags with Bourne getting the advantage.  They continue to exchange moves and reversals until Cara flips Bourne with the help of the top rope, delivers a few kicks and then does a huge corkscrew arm drag.  Both men now head outside the ring, stare at each other and then roll back inside.  Sin Cara has the advantage here, Bourne sliding back outside the ring.  Sin Cara lands a massive suicide dive.  Cara grabs Evan and goes to slam him but Bourne reverses it into a hurricanrana.  Bourne grabs Sin Cara and throws him back into the ring.  Bourne rolls up Sin but only for a two count.  Cara gets his own little roll up but Bourne kicks out at 2 and then delivers a knee to his jaw for another two count.  Bourne lands a standing moonsault for another nearfall.  Bourne goes for airbourne, missing.  Cara swings him around and gets the pin at 4:52.

@WrestleSarcasm: Sin Cara! Job it good for me please. 
@TheRealXpac: Ok, Im in front of the tv in time for Sin Cara. Lets hope they dont dim the damn lights for the whole match
@ddw4e: ON LIKE NECKBONES!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
@Lagana: You voted for it… Tonight you get it. Sin Cara vs. Evan Bourne. 
@WrestlingTheory: Tune in to see Sin Cara sell his knee 

Sin Cara celebrates in the ring while Evan Bourne continues to sell outside.  We see Kofi Kingston standing with Booker T by the roulette wheel.  Booker says the anonymous GM is allowing him to spin the wheel to see what kind of a match he’ll have with Dolph Ziggler.  Vickie Guerrero shows up and spins the wheel instead.  The wheel lands on:  Player’s Choice (which means Kofi gets to pick the match.)  Kofi chooses the match he voted for last week:  No Vickie Guerrero at ringside.

[Commercial break 3]

We return from commercial and they tell us the Raw Money in the Bank competitors:  Mysterio, Kingston, Evan Bourne, Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Miz, Riley, R-Truth.

Kofi makes his entrance first.  Vickie Guerrero comes out and gets some major heat from the crowd.  She begins to introduce Dolph but some referees come out and tell her she’s not allowed out here.  Dolph Ziggler comes out next.

Match 3:  Dolph Ziggler vs Kofi Kingston: [7 minutes and 36 seconds]
The bell rings and Dolph rolls out of the ring to leave but Kofi catches him, throwing him back in the ring.  Ziggler fights back, both men head to the outside where Kofi takes control until Ziggler runs him into the ring post.

[Commercial break 4]

We return from commercial to find Ziggler dominating Kofi in the ring, locking in a headlock.  The crowd begins cheering for Kofi who begins fighting his way out, reversing Ziggler into the corner but missing a big splash.  Ziggler lands a legdrop to the back of Kofi’s head getting a close two count.  Ziggler picks up Kofi, who throws a few big kicks, then reverses a hold from Ziggler and gets a two count.  Kofi throws some more kicks and punches but catches a boot to the face from Ziggler.  Kofi lands trouble in paradise from out of nowhere for the win at 7:36.

@justinruff: Vickie banned from ringside? Nooooooooo!!
@Nuer0tica: I’d be better able to pretend this wasn’t rigged if they weren’t making it so blatantly obvious that it is.
@TheHistoryofWWE: Wait, didn’t Vickie Guerrero do the spinning? So how come @TrueKofi gets to pick the stip for spinner’s choice?
@SmarkingOut: Lawler is an asshole. Look in a fucking mirror for once! YOU’RE FATTER THAN VICKIE! 
@TheUnratedEXP: Awesome finishing sequence by Ziggler and Kingston!

We see Booker backstage with Maryse.  Booker talks about the match we just saw when Del Rio shows up and asks why he has to face the Big Show again.  Maryse says she agrees with Del Rio, since he already beat the Big Show at capitol punishment.  Alberto asks Maryse to spin the wheel for him, since maybe she’ll bring him some good luck.  Maryse spins and Del Rio will face the Big Show in a: steel cage match.  Del Rio gets angry and Maryse walks off.  Booker says “TELL ME she did NOT just spin that?”

[Commercial break 5]

We return from commercial with the steel cage down around the ring and the announcer runs through the rules for us.  Alberto Del Rio is out first.  After his 3 minute entrance, Big Show’s music hits and he comes charging out.

Match 4:  Alberto Del Rio vs the Big Show (Steel Cage): [5 minutes and 15 seconds]
The match begins with Del Rio trying to escape immediately but Big show takes him down, then smashing him into the cage wall.  Del Rio gets control when he delivers a few kicks to Big Show’s injured knee.  Del Rio continues punishing the limb with Big Show down in the middle of the ring.  Suddenly Mark Henry begins making his way down the ramp.  He begins circling the ring and can be heard yelling “I do what I want to do.”  Del Rio still has Big Show in a toe hold.  Big Show kicks his way out and then clotheslines Del Rio down.  He locks in for the chockeslam but again Del Rio kicks his knee and then delivers a DDT.  Cover but only a two count.  Big show puts Del Rio on the top rope and sets up, then delivers a massive superplex.  Both men are down.  Mark Henry begins trying to get into the cage.  Henry rips the door off the cage and carries it into the ring with him.  He lands a big boot on the Big Show while Del Rio crawls out, winning the match in 5:15.

After the match, Henry picks the door back up and rams it into Big Show who goes crashing through the side of the cage.  Henry then begins yelling “You think I’m playing?!”  The referees all come out to keep Henry away from Big Show but Henry tells them to stay back.  He asks “What’cha gonna do, fire me?”  Henry then shoves the announce table.

@ILoVeTheCORRE: I’ve said it once I’ll say it again…- FUCKING love Del Rio!
@KirasCabana: Del Rio, no one is even in your way. Must you beep the horn like an obnoxious dbag with road rage?
@TheUnratedEXP: So Big Show wasn’t on RAW last week because of a leg injury, but now he’s running to the ring?
@PinfallMagazine:  Henry going to pull the cage off its hinges?
@Wnewsarena: Henry attacks Show allowing for Del Rio to escape the cage and win.

[Commercial break 6]

We return and they show us again what just happened between Henry and Big Show.  The crowd really seems to be into it.  Then, they show us that during the commercial the Big Show had to be helped to the back.

Kelly Kelly’s music hits and she comes out with her newly acquired Divas title.  This match is not for the title and her opponent is Nikki Bella.  Booker T spins the wheel and match they will compete in is:  submission match.

Match 5:  Nikki Bella vs Kelly Kelly (submission match): [1 minute and 12 seconds]
The match begins with Nikki in control.  She begins working on her arm, gets her down on the mat and is twisting it while Kelly screams.  Kelly Kelly takes down Nikki, locks in the boston crab for the win in 1:12.  After the match both Bella twins begin beating down Kelly who gets saved by Eve.

@FlawlessXtina: Kelly looks great with that title 🙂
@ILoVeTheCORRE: Wow, no pillow fight??? Shocked…
@johnreport: Kelly vs. Nikki Submission match. Armbar. Boston Crab. That was the whole match. Less than a minute. Worst submission match ever.
@MajorMagnus: A submission match ends that early? Hadn’t even finished heatin my hotpockets

[Commercial break 7]

We return from commercial to see a recap of Andy Leavine winning Tough Enough with Andy talking about the experience.

Booker T is standing with Rey Mysterio, the wheel is spinning to see what match he’ll be in:  Tornado match.  DDP comes walking out holding the very best of Nitro DVD.  Drew McIntyre comes over and tells them they need to leave or they’ll be leaving on stretches.  Suddenly HBK delivers sweet chin music.  HBK says he’s never seen any of it, he was working when Nitro aired.  Booker says he’ll send him a copy.

[Commercial break 8]

Match 6:  Rey Mysterio &  Alex Riley vs The Miz & Swagger (Tornado Match): [11 minutes and 41 seconds]
The match starts, all four men in the ring.  Miz and Riley / Mysterio and Swagger going at it in opposite corners.  The heels are in control.  Miz crushes Mysterio with a clothesline, then Riley does one to Miz and Swagger does one to him.  Miz goes outside the ring and stomps Riley while swagger crushes Mysterio in the corner.  Swagger lands the Swagger bomb on Rey but only for a two count.  Miz gets to the top rope but Mysterio pushes Swagger into the corner and then Riley crushes them both before swinging Mysterio into them. Swagger rolls outside and Mysterio lands a seated senton.  Riley does a hiptoss to the Miz off the rop rope.

[Commercial break 9]

We return from commercial to find Miz and Riley battling in the ring.  Swagger comes up behind Riley and begins pounding on him.  Riley fights back, rolling up the Miz but swagger breaks it up.  Mysterio comes off the top rope, Swagger catches him and then throws him onto Miz’s knee for a two count.  Mysterio begins fighting back but Miz flattens him with a DDT while Swagger works on Riley in the corner.  Riley though dumps Swagger over the top rope, and Miz sends Riley out after him.  Miz goes for a superplex on Mysterio but Mysterio blocks it, shoves him off lands a seated senton, blocks a Swagger clothesline and goes back to work on the Miz.  Mysterio goes for the 619 but Swagger pulls him out of the ring.  Riley comes in, hitting a spinebuster on Swagger but Miz breaks up the pin attempt.  A lot of nearfalls in this match so far.  Riley and Miz both go spilling over the top rope, Swagger runs Mysterio over with a big boot.  Swagger goes for the gutwrench suplex but Mysterio goes for the 619.  Swagger catches him and puts him in the ankle lock while Miz chokes him.  Riley pulls Miz off the apron and then slams Miz on the outside barricade.  This time Mysterio lands his 619, Riley lands a brain buster and Mysterio lands a splash for the pin at 11:41. 

@BreakingKayfabe: Self. High. Five.
@smarkingout: Diamond Dallas Page Mother Fucker! YEAH!
@Vixentye: Alex Riley looks like he could be Lex Luger son with that penis hair cut, hermit crab eyes and stupid smirk on his gross face!
@IAmWWEman: This is a whirlwind RAW! Some good moments but it’s all a little to crammed and fast. I think cause they’re taping two RAW’s
@GlamHartDelRio: THE MIZ!!! 
@nuer0tica: WWE knew how much I like all three guys in the ring, so they had to ruin it with Rey. Thanks
@TheUnratedExp: Hip Toss from the top rope! Alex Riley showing some fire tonight!
@PinfallMagazine: Probably the TV match of the Week right there, but it’s early in that race.

Booker T tells R-Truth to spin the wheel for his match with Cena.  The wheel lands on a tables match.  Truth says he can dig that, tonight John Cena is gonna get got.  He says all the little jimmies know what he is saying.  

[Commercial break 10]

We return from commercial with the ring announcer explaining the rules.  R-Truth comes out first.  The crowd pops loud for Cena initially, then a lot of boos can be heard.  Mixed crowd.

Match 7:  R-Truth vs John Cena (Tables match): [5 minutes and 15 seconds]
The match begins with R-Truth throwing punches and kicks with Cena down on the mat.  Cena quickly reverses things with a fisherman’s suplex to Truth.  He heads out to get a table but R-Truth catches him with a shot to the head and then rolls him back in.  After a few holds exchanged, Cena lands a horrendous looking dropkick on Truth.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment but Truth reverses it and takes Cena down. He then brings a table into the ring.  Truth sets the table in the corner and attempts to suplex Cena but gets reversed.  Truth charges at Cena who pulls down the top rope and sends him flipping outside.  Cena follows and throws him into the steps then walks over to get a different table.  Cena throws the table in the ring, and then R-Truth.  CM Punk comes running out and moves the table so that Cena misses with his AA attempt.  Punk and Cena begin brawling outside the ring.  Both men go into the ring and Truth tackles Cena into a table for the win in 5:15.

After the match Punk grabs a microphone and walks to the top of the entrance ramp.  Punk says he has a lot of things he wants to get off his chest.  He doesn’t hate Cena, he actually likes Cena.  He just hates this idea that Cena is “the best.”  He says Cena is not the best, he is.  CM Punk says the one thing Cena is better at is “Kissing Vince McMahons ass.”  He says he’s as good at it as Hogan was, although Dwayne is better.  Punk says he is the best wrestler in the world and has been since day one.  He’s been looked down at because he was a Paul Heyman guy.  He says he is going to leave with the WWE Championship.  Punk says he has grasped so many of McMahon’s brass rings that he now understands they are fake and the only real thing is him.  He is the best on the microphone, in the ring and on commentary.  Yet, no matter how many times he proves it, he’s not on cups, not on programs, he’s barely promoted, he doesn’t get to be in movies, he’s not on the Wrestlemania poster, he’s not in the shows opening, he’s not on Conan and Jimmy.  He says the fact that Dwayne is in the main event of Wrestlemania next year and not him makes him sick.  He says to those of you who are cheering him right are the biggest part of him leaving.  Punk says maybe he’ll go to New Japan Pro Wrestling, maybe he’ll go back to Ring of Honor.  He then waves to Colt Cabana.  He says Vince McMahon is going to make money, he should be a billionaire but he is not because he surrounds himself with glad handing yes men like John Laurenitis that tell him everything he wants to hear.  The company will get taken over by his idiotic daughter and stupid son in law.  Punk says he wants to tell us a story about Vince McMahon but they cut his microphone off.  He stands there yelling to the camera but you can’t hear him.  The camera just goes black.

I haven’t said much tonight, but I will say this.  If you did not see this, find it online.  I cannot describe how amazing this promo was.  Truly.

@TheRealXPac: Truth is priceless with this new persona. Little Jimmies all around the world are conspiring:)
@IAmWWEman: Booker T thinks R-Truth is crazy. Coming from the man who teamed with Goldust, Talked to his Hand, and Was King Bookah!  
@AprilAnn_: God r-truth is epic. Noone understands! Lol. 
@nuer0tica: its a strange feeling to actually be cheering for Truth in a match.  
@Vixentye: I love how Cena narrowed his moves down to 2 now, it’s run back and forth to the ropes, tire the opponent out and hit the AA! lol 
@Alkaline_Perez: ♞Punk wearing an Austin shirt!!! hahaha♞
@FutureWWEDiva: Really!? Come on WWE! Can you not take the fact that everything CM Punk is saying is true!

This show was 3 out of 5 stars, CM Punk’s promo was 5 out of 5 stars.

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